Good morning! My name is Lauren and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic/addict. I've realized it's never too late to change. For some it may take longer than others, but only YOU can make the change. No one else can make it for you. I was unhappy and miserable, but I had to change before anything else was going to change. It is never too late to be happy, but you have to do it. And happiness is appreciating what you have, not getting what you want. I have learned to be truly happy. I am so blessed with a loving family. That's all I need to be happy. People I love surrounding me. I don't need material things. Yeah, they are nice, but I don't need them to be truly happy. When I'm happy, I can make others around me happy too. When I was miserable, I made everyone around me miserable. Misery loves company. Once I got off my butt and out of my pity party, I had to work hard to find myself. Without me taking care of myself, I couldn't take care of anyone around me. It may sound selfish that I had to take care of me first, but it's the truth. There was no way I could be a good mom, be a good wife, or anything without being good to myself first. So if you aren't happy with the way things are now, do something about it. It's better late than never, but really never too late. I know I have posted this poem before, but here it is again. :) Have a great day!
Courage to Change I didn't like the way things were, Or who I'd become. I was so lost, but didn't care. I forgot where I'd come from. I needed help, I needed change, But couldn't do it alone. I wanted to, and now was sure, My decision now was known. I asked for God to help me through, To be there by my side. He gave me courage, He gave me strength. His love He did provide. I now have hope, I know my truth. My life's now rearranged. I'm happy now, and proud to say, I had the courage to change.
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Good morning! My name is Lauren and I"m a grateful recovering alcoholic/addict. I have been thinking, once again, (I do a lot of that now days), about myself and how I will be remembered. A year ago, I know I wouldn't have been remembered well. People would have thought, "That girl killed herself, with alcohol." No one would really feel bad, they would think I deserved it. But now I feel, I have had a more positive affected people in my life. People would remember me with a smile, not a grimice. I know this is kind of morbid today, but before I didn't really think I was going to die. Doctors told me MANY times alcohol was going to kill me, and I really didn't think it would happen to me. God really had his hand in that, because many times I should have. Now, I am more realistic, and know that it is inevitable, but want to leave a "good" footprint on this earth. I want to be remembered happy, humbled and blessed, not sad, sick and sorry. I am glad today to say that I think I have changed the thought of me. I know this is a wierd topic today, but it's real. So with that being said, I'm grateful for one more day alive and sober. By the way, today is 10 MONTHS SOBER!!!!! Have a great day!
Good afternoon! My name is Lauren and I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict. Yesterday, I was sick. Today I feel better, but not great. I did a lot of thinking while laying in bed yesterday, not being able to sleep when I should have been. I was thinking of all the times I was sick. I was so sick physically it didn't matter anymore. I was more sick, emotionally and mentally. The physical sickness was a norm. I had learned how to deal with puking and headaches, but the whole, nothing going on in my head and emotions, or lack thereof, all across the board was making me crazy. I was getting emotionally exhausted. I had felt nothing for so long, I had no where to go. I had hit my bottom. Like I said yesterday, I had to get sick and tired of being sick and tired, before I was ever going to change anything. It was the hardest decision in my life I had ever had to make, but the best one. And now I have more emotions I know what to do with, which is a good thing. I am feeling. I am human again, and with that so comes life: good and bad, triumphs and struggles. It feels good to feel again. That's all for today! Have a great one!
Good afternoon! My name is Lauren and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic/addict. I know I am late today at posting this. But it s a day I have not experienced yet in sobriety. I was sick all night, I mean all night. I could get out of bed to go to work. Lying in bed today for hours and hours made me really think of how "sick" I was. I was so used to throwing up multiple times a day, it was "normal" for me. I was so used to being miserable, that was all I knew. I'm sitting here typing, ashamed of how I used to be. My daughter has her Christmas program at school tonight. I still feel like crap, but I will be there for her this year. I can't imagine being like this all day everyday. I would work like this, because I had to. If I missed work, I would lose money on my paycheck, and that bought my alcohol. So "Ya do what ya gotta do!" I don't ever want to go back to the way things were. I had to get to the point where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired to be able to change. Well, I got to that point. So here I am today, reminiscing of how miserable I was, and how happy I am now. So even though I am really "sick" today, I don't want to be "sick" again. Have a great day!
Good morning! My name is Lauren and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic/addict. My heart has been more at peace since I give every day to God. The world still goes on around me, I can just deal with it better now. I used to be so worried about what was going to happen next, or what was not going to happen. I tried to have control over everything in my life, when in reality the only thing I really had control over my actions and my reactions. A friend of mine, I will call S. always used to talk about "keeping his side of the street clean." It took me a while to get it. But there is another saying I saw that helped it make sense. Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. I used to think I deserved all the crap I put myself through, but I deserve peace, and I am the only one that can give it to myself. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Nobody can bring you peace, but yourself." So I wrote a poem about what is peace to me. It is an acrostic.
PEACE Personally, Eliminating Alcohol Changed Everything Peace means something different to everyone. When I was drinking, I never knew true peace. In sobriety, I am living it more each day. Have a great one! Good morning! My name is Lauren and I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict. One of the hardest things for me to do when I was getting sober, was feeling again. I was hiding all my real feeling with my drinking. I guess I still had feelings, like sad, depressed, and lonely, but wasn't really feeling them. I was numbing them. I would have rather felt nothing than anything, good or bad. Sometimes paper was the only thing that would listen to me, or that I wanted to listen to me. I would write, happy or sad. Then it got to the point where I didn't even want to tell the paper anymore. It was hard for me to put feeling into words so than anyone could understand. But in sobriety I have learned to feel again, not that I really had a choice. :) But when they came, they all came at once. Feelings I hadn't felt in a long time. I was feeling regret, love, hope, sad, excited, nervous, ecstatic, overjoyed, and blessed. All at the same time. As a friend of mine called it, the tornado effect. It was hard to sort out my feelings. I had hidden or masked them for so long. The smile on my face was holding in the tears in my heart. So I am glad to say that I am glad I feel again, good and bad. The bad feelings make the good, better. Here is a poem I wrote. It may have been posted on here before.
The Writing on the Wall As she wrote them in her closet, and on the walls of her bedroom. The "acceptable" ones were available for all to see. They were convincingly composed by a seemingly cheery individual. While hidden in the closet was the truth. There she wrote the anguished, cynical thoughts and feelings of reality. Others were blind to her true behavior. Her anxious demeanor was buried in lies. On the outside was a bright, easygoing soul. A humorous, quirky character. She knew not the blessings before her, so kept holding on to the contradictive manor of her ways. For many years she continued this. When will the truth be told? Or will it ever. Have a great day! Good morning! My name is Lauren and I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict. I have come to the realization that I want to be sober, I don't have to. Well, I need to be, but it IS something I want to do. It is not forced, and I don't hate dong it. I enjoy enjoying life, remembering it, making fun memories with my children. If you really want to do something, you will make it happen. No one can do that for you. I can just be me. People are going to judge me either way. People are always judging, so there is nothing I can change about someone's feelings. I can only change myself. I was so sick of making excuses for everything. For not going somewhere, for not saying something right, for everything. I didn't want to do anything and I made an excuse for it. But I wanted to get sober bad enough, so I did it. Well, am doing it. :) One day at a time. So keep your head up. If you want something bad enough, go after it. Do it. You can!
One day at a time You were my best friend. I loved you so. I would do anything, To any lengths I would go. I would lie to people about you, To the people closest to me. You said you'd always be there, Always make me happy. They said you would kill me. You'd take all I cared for. I just couldn't believe that. You said you could give me more But then they said they'd leave me If you were who I chose. Were you really worth it? Were you worth all these woes? So I sat back to think Of all the hurt you caused me. Not one thing I did better with you On that we could agree. Before you took me to the grave. Before you took everything. I tore from the grip you had on me But to me you tried to cling. Now I live without you I'm trying to realign Doing the next right thing. One day at a time. Have a great day! Good morning! My name is Lauren and I'm a grateful, recovering alcoholic/addict. I am so blessed to have my husband by my side. He stayed with me and loved me when I didn't love myself. I really like the quote above. There is also another story I like. A reporter asked an old couple "How did you manage to stay together so long?" She replied, "It's simple really. We are from a time where is something is broke we fix it...not throw it away!" I feel sometimes we are supposed to go through some bad stuff to enjoy the good more. I love my husband so much. A perfect marriage is two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other. Our marriage has grown stronger. I feel terrible for being a "bad" wife. I didn't care. So here is a poem I wrote while in my recovery.
Chris I saw, I craved, I wanted, you. I adored, I caressed, I pleased, you. I broke, I hurt, I pained, you. I deprived, I depressed, I failed, you. I bettered, I renewed, I changed, for you. You embraced, you loved, you forgave, me. I love you. Forever and always... Have a great day! Good morning! My name is Lauren and I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict. As some of you may know, I just got a new job. I was knew a lot at my previous job, so I was excited about getting a new, more challenging job. I was still learning every day, but knew I had more potential. So, I am continually learning at this position now. I really though this quote was particularly good for today, since this is my 3rd day at my new job. I want to learn, and am excited about this new opportunity. So, I will continue to live for today, and take everything I can from it, but learn more and more everyday as if I will live forever. It is not a good day if I didn't learn anything. There is another saying I like, "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." It is a lot like the other one. So pretty much, in the short, live and learn. So off to work I go, to cram by brain full of more information. Have a great day!
Good morning! My name is Lauren and I'm a grateful little nut of a recovering alcoholic/addict. I know a lot of the time I talk am serious. In reality, I'm not as serious as I may seem. This little saying is cute. Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest. I have been thinking a lot about myself and my book. People ask how the book sales are going and they are going good! When you are getting ready to get a book published, all you can think about is have a million copies sold, now. But you have to start somewhere. J. K. Rowling had to sell her 1st copy of her 1st book. It took time to sell it. She didn't sell a million copies over night. (Well, more recently she actually she did) :) but you know what I mean. She has to start from the bottom like everyone else. She had to work at it. Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try. That's all for today! Have a great one!
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July 2019
Lauren YoderI'm Lauren. Get inside the head of a recovering alcoholic/ addict. |