Day 251

Good afternoon! My name is Lauren and I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict.  What a beautiful day today, the sun is shining.  A year ago, I would still be in bed, hiding my drinking, feeling like crap.  Today I have gone to church, made lunch, and now am watching the Bears play or attempt to play.  Doing "normal" things.  When I first got to AA, I was scared and alone.  I felt the people there would look down at me, judge me. That was one of the reasons I didn't want to go to church.  I was scared of what people would think of me.  That they would think I was a "bad" person.  Me saying all those things, was me being judgmental myself.  I was judging those who I thought were judging me.  How crazy is that!  I needed to stop and think.  Only God can judge me.  I have no control over what people think of me. I can't change that.  I can only change how I act, or react to that. But when I got sober, I didn't do it alone.  I had a power greater than myself, whom I call God, carry me through the doors. I didn't know what to think at first.  Was I going to talk, tell me people about myself? Tell them all my deepest darkest secrets?  Were they going to talk to me?  Once I heard others talk of their experiences, trials, triumphs, I felt more at ease.  These people were like me. Hearing their stories, made me realize that they weren't doing it alone.  And I couldn't either. I needed a higher power, God.  I always had something that I was "worshiping."  Mine at that time was alcohol.  I would do anything for it, lie to get it, hide it when I had it, and chose it over you in a heartbeat.  Once I stopped worshiping that, I needed to find a power greater than myself, and that is God.   So that is where I am today.  Finding myself, and finding God.  Only with His help, can I stay sober one more day! That's all for today. Have a great one!