Hi, my name is Lauren and I'm an alcoholic/addict. What a wonderful Monday morning to be alive and sober! Well, where was I. Oh, right. So I'm getting ready to go to treatment. I leave Illinois with the temp of 17 deg. and land in California with a temp of 84. Wow what a difference. So I get there, and detox for 10 days. They said it was the worst detox they had seen. Almost taken to the hospital. So when I finally get coherent (or what I thought was coherent. They aren't lying when they say your head won't be clear for even the first 30 days.) At first, I was just going to please everyone I figured if I went to treatment, they would "heal" me and I would be able to "drink like others." NOT TRUE. I will never be able to drink again. I will die. I won't ever be able to "just have one drink." Cuz it wouldn't be just one drink, probably not even one bottle. Once I started listening and learning about all the physical, emotional, and psychological damage, I really started paying attention. I learned more about myself in those 45 days than I probably ever had. I really started thinking about all the damage I had done, not only to my body, and my brain, but all those who I loved. All those who loved me more than I could love myself. I had to learn to love me. I had to learn how to FEEL again. Wow, was that hard. Not really FEELING for years, brings a lot to the surface. I had 15 different feelings, pulling me 15 different ways. I was happy, and sad, and mad, and grateful, and sorry, and blessed ALL at the same time. My head was spinning. As my roommate there said, "it was the tornado effect." (Thanks Nina!) And that was only the beginning.... Have a great nite!!! :)
Hi, my name is Lauren and I'm an alcoholic/addict. Today I've been sober 230 days. Yipee! Well I didn't really finish my story yesterday so I will continue today. So in high school I got into drugs and alcohol. I'm not going to get specific, because I don't need to romanticize about it. Anyways, I continued this for some years. Then met an amazing man, got married and had 2 beautiful children. I didn't use drugs or drink when I was pregnant with them, but after breastfeeding I would start drinking again. Drugs were never a problem after we had kids, but I could never stop drinking for good. I don't know how I did it, when I as pregnant. But I guess it wasn't about me anymore, it was all about them, and giving them a safe environment to live in. Shortly after our second child started drinking again, heavily. I pretty much isolated myself from everyone. All my friends, family, everyone. I didn't want anyone to know, but I was always sick. Sick when I drank, sick when I didn't. Missed family functions, a lot of important things a mom should not miss. But anyways, I am not going to talk about all the bad things. I have changed my life for the better now, and will elaborate on that. :) So I pretty much had an intervention with my husband and parents. They told me to go to treatment or they were done. They had tried so many times to help me, but I first had to help myself. So they called a hotline February 9th, 2014 at 10:40 pm. I told them I had to go away. I would not stay local. I needed to go away, far away, to find me. So they talked for a while on the phone to the rep. and shortly after they had a flight booked for me the next day to go to Palm Springs, California at 6:40 am. And that is just the beginning.
More tomorrow... Have a great one!
Hi, my name is Lauren and I'm an alcoholic/addict. This is my first ever blog post. So I really don't know what I'm doing. :) But I am finishing up writing a book and ready for it to be published, and want to get my story out there. I grew up in a good Christian home, went a to a Christian school, and was a good kid. After 6th grade, I started going to a public school. And I'm not saying that because that's what got me into drugs and alcohol at all. I was very involved in sports and was really good in the high hurdles in track. I could have got to college on a scholarship but threw that out the window when I took senior skip day and went to a big party, so missed the track meet that night. Our coach told us if we missed that meet we would be kicked off the track team. So needless to say I no longer has a chance to go to college on a scholarship. Anyways, that was just the beginning of the chain of bad decisions I started making. It's getting late now, so I will continue tomorrow.
I'm Lauren. Get inside the head of a recovering alcoholic/ addict.