Day 274

Good morning!  My name is Lauren and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic/addict.  One thing I have always struggled with, is loving myself, being happy with who I am.  I have always felt like somewhat of a failure.  I was good in sports and did good in school but inside always felt defeated.  I was never pretty enough, or whatever. I have never felt beautiful.  People would say that, but I always thought they were just being nice.  But in all actuality, what is pretty?  Who are the "pretty police?"  What am I really trying to attain?   Who am I trying to please?  The only person I really can please is myself.  When I was drinking and such, I hid all my true feeling, I didn't want to feel, like the crappy person I was.  Now, I have learned to forgive myself, and truly love myself.  If I don't love myself, who else will.  I have also been more aware of this, having a daughter.  Growing up is hard as it is, none the less kids being mean and judging you.  I need to show her she is beautiful, and make her feel and truly believe it. I need to stop being hard on myself, telling myself I'm fat.  If she hears me say that, what is she going to do if she gains a few pounds?  Lose all self-esteem? Feel like crap, because she thinks she is "fat."  Having a daughter has really made me think of how what I do can REALLY affect others.  So today I feel beautiful and am happy to be me!  Have a great day!