Good morning! My name is Lauren and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic/addict. When I was drinking, I was miserable. Miserable about everything. Nothing made me happy. And it was everyone else's fault. I wanted everything my way, and I wanted it now. I thought everything made me miserable. But in all actuality, I was making myself miserable. No one else was. And I was hurting so many others. And as I'm sure you have heard, Misery loves company. I was making everyone around me miserable. I was hurting them. Today, I feel terrible for what I have done, or not done. I will never be able to make up those first's that I missed. You will see in the following poem, how I really felt. I had put myself into the hole I dug, and I thought I should stay there. I am enjoying every moment alive. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore, only help.
Misery I am comfortable in my "little world." I've been stuck here so long I don't know if I can ever get out. Or if I really want to. I enjoy drinking every day. Getting sick all the time. Getting sick from drinking too much. From not drinking. I enjoy being hopeless. For hating my job. My boss. My life. I am comfortable in my misery. I have caused it. So I should suffer. I enjoy missing family functions. Dinners. Family reunions. Cookouts. Christmas'. I can't be gone long enough to not drink. Or I will get sick. Or someone will notice. I enjoy only getting 1/2 a paycheeck, because I missed work. I have a headache. My stomach hurts. My throat hurts. I lie. To you. To everyone. To myself. I enjoy missing important moments in my children's lives. Their first day of kindergarten. First t-ball game. First recital. I enjoy blaming my husband for everything. For what he didn't do right. Or what he didn't do at all. I enjoy losing the trust of my family. Mom. Dad. Husband. Children. I enjoy this misery. So here I shall stay. So that's all for today! have a great one!
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July 2019
Lauren YoderI'm Lauren. Get inside the head of a recovering alcoholic/ addict. |