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Day 298

12/5/2014

3 Comments

 
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Good morning!  My name is Lauren and I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict.  I have come to the realization that I want to be sober, I don't have to.  Well, I need to be, but it IS something I want to do.  It is not forced, and I don't hate dong it.  I enjoy enjoying life, remembering it, making fun memories with my children.  If you really want to do something, you will make it happen.  No one can do that for you.  I can just be me.  People are going to judge me either way.  People are always judging, so there is nothing I can change about someone's feelings.  I can only change myself.  I was so sick of making excuses for everything.  For not going somewhere, for not saying something right, for everything.  I didn't want to do anything and I made an excuse for it.  But I wanted to get sober bad enough, so I did it.  Well, am doing it. :)  One day at a time.  So keep your head up.  If you want something bad enough, go after it.  Do it.  You can!  

One day at a time

You were my best friend. 
I loved you so.
I would do anything,
To any lengths I would go.

I would lie to people about you,
To the people closest to me.
You said you'd always be there,
Always make me happy.

They said you would kill me.
You'd take all I cared for.
I just couldn't believe that.
You said you could give me more

But then they said they'd leave me
If you were who I chose.
Were you really worth it?
Were you worth all these woes?

So I sat back to think
Of all the hurt you caused me.
Not one thing I did better with you
On that we could agree.

Before you took me to the grave. 
Before you took everything.
I tore from the grip you had on me
But to me you tried to cling.

Now I live without you
I'm trying to realign
Doing the next right thing.
One day at a time.


Have a great day!
3 Comments
jon p
12/6/2014 01:30:00 am

Thank you. Being able to feel and not need to numb it is an amazing blessing. I thought I could never do this. Thanks to God, the program and the people in it;)

Reply
Walter
12/7/2014 12:12:39 am

As I was going through long-term drug/ alcohol treatment (9 month's) , I had to do a life chart in which I had to remember just about every up 's & down 's in my life.
One of the reason for this was/is, so that I can experience those feelings again, REALLY EXPERIENCE my feelings without running away and drink or do drugs.
I learned to let my emotions flow out without patronizing from anyone.
Because when someone would do that, all they were doing was enabling me, and that kept me it the addictive cycle.
By truly experiencing my feelings, I could let go what hurt me.
It didn't erase everything, nothing is ever totally forgotten, but because I did experience my feelings it lessens the hurt I had inside me to where those feelings didn't have control over me.
I have to live my life one- day- at- a-time, and every DAY for me is a new day that I'm learning about myself.
The only thing I can do to help my friends and family is to be there for them, STRAIGHT AND SOBER!!!
This is inspirational for them.
Ana-ba-se, Cho! (Thank you very much)

Reply
Kristen
12/8/2014 11:05:16 am

Lauren, this is so poignant and deep.... you are incredible with words!

Reply



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    Lauren Yoder

    I'm Lauren. Get inside the head of a recovering alcoholic/ addict.

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