Day 328

Good morning! My name is Lauren and I'm a grateful, recovering alcoholic/addict.  Recently, I have been talking about starting over, fresh...changing for the better.  But I also don't think that by starting over, you should shove all your feelings of hurt and shame under the rug and leave them there to only grow with time.  I needed to feel the feelings that I was hiding before by drinking.  They were there for a reason, and needed to be felt, but not all at once or be skewed by my thoughts of reality.  I needed to talk to someone, someone I trusted, to get everything off my chest, say how I really felt.  I needed to shed all my fears and be open an honest with myself, with how I really felt. Sometimes, I feel that I made myself feel a certain way to make things seem "ok." To lie to myself, about how I really felt.  It was easier that way.  Feelings are a hard thing to explain.  Sometimes it's what your heart tells you to do, and sometimes it's what your heart tells your head to do.  It's a hard thing to differentiate.  How I feel, or how I think I should feel.  But I do notice, if I am looking at all the negative around me, my feelings do get skewed, and I look at how I should feel, not how I really do.  That's all for today!  Have a great one!