Day 352

Good morning!  My name is Lauren and I'm a grateful, recovering alcoholic/addict.  When I was drinking, I was around people, but was so alone.  People were there, but there weren't people there for me, I wasn't there for anyone.  I had pushed people away.  I was just part of the crowd, taking up space.  At the end of my drinking, I was alone.  I had created my lonely hole myself.  I felt so different I didn't want anyone to know the real me.  The sick, pathetic, lonely, hopeless me. Then when I first got sober, I felt alone because I had isolated myself so much.  I pushed everyone away that really cared about me.  Then when I got home, I felt alone, because all the people that I came home to, didn't understand me.  They didn't understand why I made the decision I did.  Why I had cared so little for myself, and others.  It was hard for me to explain myself, my faults, and thoughts.  I felt terrible, as though I wasn't worth this second chance I'd been given.  But then got to know some awesome people that were happy, happy to be alive, happy to be sober, happy to be free.  Free of the chains of addiction.  I'm not saying I am recoverED, I am recoverING.  I am choosing, on a daily basis, my sobriety. So now, I am not alone.  I don't choose to be.  I choose to be involved in my life, the lives of my children, and family.  I choose to be happy.  That's all for today!  Have a great one!