Good morning! My name is Lauren and I'm a grateful, recovering alcoholic/addict. When I was drinking/using, there were different stages of my fear. In the beginning, I had no fear. Before I was married, I lived a more risky life, using and selling. I could do what I wanted, but I hid from everything, by drinking and using. Was it that I had no fear or did I have no care? I was living in a fantasy world, not thinking anything bad could ever happen to me. I didn't think I would ever get caught. Then friends started ODing and dying. Boyfriends were going to prison for years. I should have been there too. But I just kept on going. I would not answer my phone iif it was a number I didn't know, because I knew it was a medical bill. Today, I am paying back $1000's of dollars that I wish I would have at least made payments on then. But that was one of the decisions I made then, and that is one the consequenses I am paying for now. I was living in fear all the time, I was hiding alcohol everywhere, hoping no one would find it. Driving around drunk all the time, or at least have been drinking. Always fearing someone would find out. Fear was a daily reality. And I should have a healthy fear now to face everything and rise instead of the previous alternative of forget everything and run. I have learned the differences of the two. So now I can put one foot in front of the other and not take a drink today. I can do the next right thing today. That's all I got for today. Have a great one!
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July 2019
Lauren YoderI'm Lauren. Get inside the head of a recovering alcoholic/ addict. |